Gay Conduct 101

Gentlemen, from one gay to another, I’ve got some serious advice:

Like a number of my readers I frequent gay bars. I love them! You can dance. You can laugh hysterically at the overweight hags who stay sober and try to take their fag home for a romp in the sack (they really do need to learn what the term “whiskey dick” means). There’s, generally, a series of old, impotent men sitting at the bar who will buy you a slew of drinks for looking pretty and its like a meat market.

However…there are a few things we need to talk about as far as gaybar conduct goes.

1. If your hag is bigger than the animal, do not let her wear the print.

2. Banana hammocks are not a clothing option. Please wait until he to blows you to show him the undies.

3. Stop looking at my cock while I’m trying to take a piss!

4. Shirts with printed designs and sparkles are really, really ugly. Spare us. See below for details.

 

Said ugly shirt.

5. Shaving your chest is not a hygiene issue – I would rather hug a bear than a cactus.

6. Drag queens are not necessarily bottoms.

7. Quit hating on the lesbians, we all have a common agenda!

8. Don’t act like you’re sooooo inconvenienced when someone steps on your foot at the bar. Lesson: don’t wear flipflops to the club.

9. Barebacking is only a method of getting a UTI or worse.

10. You might think you’re pretty, but everyone in the gaybar thinks they’re pretty so quit spreading hate about “ugly bitches” since other people think you’re ugly too.

Thanks for joining me for gay club conduct 101 the MALE edition.

With love,

Your Queer Club Superstar.